Seeking To Become Smaller

This application for the 2019 Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Amanda. This year the recipient will receive either attendance at the Gravity Series Workshop or participation in the Online Spiritual Guidance program. If you would like to offer your support for Amanda please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

I have felt guided throughout my life in this dream land, here on Mother Earth. Even though I wasn’t sure who or what was guiding me, I felt a strong desire to know who I was and what was truth. I had questions that I wanted answers to. There was so much in the world that didn’t make sense to me. So I decided I would begin a personal, spiritual quest.

I first started with my Christian faith, in which more questions arose. Then I researched different religions, which led me to India, where I was initiated by a Guru. The more I searched outside of myself for answers, the more I felt the weight of misguidance, lies, and false perceptions. When I realized the truth was inside me; I started the work of disrobing the covers and false stories that I had previously absorbed. The desire to find answers became less important. It was knowing the eye behind the ”i” that became a new focus.

When I was young I had an experience of being carried away by overwhelming emotions and my spirit fell into a state of rapture that took away my childish fears and engulfed me in what I perceived to be pure love. I have searched for that overwhelming love since, wanting to feel such powerful ecstasy, passion, and joy again.

I later had other opportunities to feel myself opening; with each experience being different. My unfoldings became deeper, and I started to awaken to hidden places within my being. I started to realize the experiences were fleeting and I would not be able to maintain the states of ecstasy. As I came out of those states of bliss, I would become fully grounded again, allowing me to see who I already was and was becoming. I just had to let go of my story, and to let what was, be.

I have struggled at times to trust my inner knowing which has brought profound lessons. With some lessons, I feel I could have learned less harshly if I had listened to my heart. Other lessons have created enough space for me to establish healthy boundaries. Through all of these experiences, I have come to know that I am my own teacher and to look for answers from within. Even so, I still feel the desire to interact and learn from others. As we are constantly mirroring each other, it is helpful to have guidance from others who can appropriately mirror back insights.

I have learned so much from Lujan’s words. At times I understand what is written, and at other times I have to immerse myself in the sentences until the meanings penetrate, and recognition comes. The books I have read thus far are guiding lights for my soul, and windows to my mind. The words on the pages leap out at me and give me inspiration and guidance. There are gifts of insight hidden within the words that become unveiled to me when I am to see their meanings. As life continues to ebb and flow, life seems more manageable, as I take meaning from Lujan’s words. I am able to assimilate my waking moments and appropriately discern my dealings with others.

I am learning to be small. Smaller than I had already felt before. At times I perceived the little feeling to be pernicious to my spirit, feeling inadequate and apprehensive to connect fully with others. Through more exploration, I have taken in the words meaning. The smaller I become, the less stories I can create. I can let the knowledge of all, penetrate my being and fill me with humbleness. When I am small, I feel the flexibility of each moment. When I am present, I can be within peace and this helps me stay connected to my source. I can feel the universal energies flow thru me as I move patiently within each moment.

This has impacted my life by showing me I have work to do. Yet helping me see how much I have done on my own.

My spirit and body has been feeling a sort of stagnation. A part of myself wants to move and be free from its hiding places. This stagnation is why I would like to undertake tuition in Lo Ban Pai with Lujan. I have been asking for guidance in a spiritual practice of movement. Lo Ban Pai sounds like what I am waiting for.

What I hope to achieve in the art of Lo Ban Pai, is to learn techniques that will open more doors for expansion in service to others. I wish to further my education in the art of recapitulation and become more aware of my dreaming in this reality. I hope to become a better listener to my body, so it can flow more freely. I want to learn to be even smaller and more insightful in my ways of being.

Thank you Lujan for sharing with those who choose to see your profound knowledge, for the opportunity to share ourselves, and the chance to learn from you.

In joy, peace, and love.

With warmest regards,
Amanda