This application for the 2017 Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Caio. If you would like to offer your support for Caio please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

I immersed myself in the Carlos Castaneda book series because it was the kind of thing with the energy of truth that was always so rare and specific in my life. The narrative of each book would tune in to my life’s narrative, leaving me sometimes in awe, sometimes fearful and anxious, and sometimes in heightened awareness, peacefully observing the absolute harmony pervading everything. Those books triggered and connected to many experiences in the last years.

I am still having a good fight with my social self, and I can say that this fight would be indeed helpless for me wasn’t for the presence of Lujan Matus and another nagual that I have the good fortune of having met. You see, the presence of an active nagual doing the work Lujan is doing just gives a new flavor and perspective to everything.

I was lost in my futile struggling, and the mere fact of finding the discrete site of Lujan and accessing some of his texts and others by the students just made me better see how those things are happening nowadays, what might be the service of an contemporary nagual and mainly, I saw that there are other warriors, that there is a network of actual evolution on earth. Since then, I‘ve had some ego meltdowns and have written to Lujan sometimes, those ugly texts were an exact picture of myself, a mirror to the dark areas of my soul and the bombastic notions I were nourishing about myself. Each time, never needing an answer, I would see the extent of work to be done.

I could never buy Lujan’s books because money is one of the things I have to learn to relate better, because importing is not easy or truly accessible in Brasil and because Power herself hasn’t let it yet. But I’ve been coming to this site, connecting to the material and I have indeed learned from the students, some texts are really meaningful. I’ve been practicing the preparation for gazing techniques recently posted on this blog, which is being an ongoing process of cleanse in my relantionships, mostly with my family. Through yoga asanas I’m connecting better to my body and each day I’m more aware of what the social script has done to my body and my life, but I have some major obstacles that are being difficult to overcome. I am on the battle of putting my life together, I want to be able to enjoy Lujan’s company but I know that we should be in a good shape for even trying that.

How to prepare myself for such a meeting ? How to regain the balance of my life and truly earn something like that? How to be gentle with my exaggerated nature and still don’t over indulge? How to better connect and listen to my body to purify and heal it?

Questions like this are popping so often as I regain the awareness of my spine and most of my right side. I wonder how I came to 24 years not being able to sense my body and identify things like this and much more. Slowly my discipline is developing itself through liking what I’m doing and this is reshaping my body into a more tuned vehicle, I just wonder in what or how Lo Ban Pai techniques might be different and how I could better address my own issues once learning it.

Thanks for being here, sustaining the meaning of something that’s real and giving us this new perspective on what’s a warrior’s life. This is for Lujan and all Warriors.