Testimonial – Golden Lotus Workshop

Dear Lujan,

This had been so big… I finally after a full night and morning of crying am able to describe in words.

When you did the coiling fast movements at the end of the session yesterday the coils started to rotate in my body. I could feel a strong repeating coiling movement going up fast from my lower dantien. The movement had continued to rotate within me for a long time it opened up to a some sort of a tunnel like a hurricane eye and I could see them looking at me from the top. I knew you saw it happening because you where sharing you to me.

As all this happened I was washed with so much love I felt so humbled I started crying I felt not worthy, I didn’t know how I can contain such a gift. As this had kept holding my heart I could just see all that had happened throughout the week. How everything was connected every aspect of it like little diamonds falling into space every word that was said every happening, each one of the group was effecting others each one had created in me touching my heart.

Cissou and I and had a conversation where because of the conversation he had with you I had shared my experience of this in my work which had touched him so much. He had been very thankful and kept thanking me and I felt uncomfortable. And I heard myself say something like we are sometimes too stupid to see the gifts, at that point I had gotten a phone from work and I had to go to my room to work.

After I finished my work and was lying in bed in my room this sentence came back to me. Cissou with his comment when the control issue was discussed had touched my heart very deeply because I was controlling that day I was so happy I had remembered the movements and when you changed them I said NO in a strong controlling tone you looked at me and said YES same tone exactly- like my boomerang that you are, I saw my white tiger reappear in front of me and felt ashamed, guilty and scared that you will not want to be my teacher any more.

Cissou told his story about him being difficult years ago in Lujan’s classes and being asked to leave a program only to return when he was ready. And I knew that if that will happen to me you will always accept me back when the time is right and my trust had returned.

All that seeing was going on and on in my head all night I was crying and had a huge headache I almost went to reception to ask for Cissou room to wake him up and tell him he created all this with his beautiful open heart and that I should be thanking him. I couldn’t wait to tell him in the morning as I saw him I said take your coffee I need to tell you something very amazing and I shared this with him.

It made his heart crack open exactly at the time Naomi came and held him in a safe space so he could really be in it, I left them and went to the beach and was crying yet again because I was lucky enough to feel his heart at that point again I felt so humbled. I realized that in this physical world it is the same as happened in my meditation when I felt all my selves in many lifetimes at the same time releasing the fear and accepting with trust.
It looks like it is others but it is exactly the same…

Someone had asked me on the last day what Dragon’s Tears had done to me, I said the Dragon’s Tears had showed me my white tiger for the first time it was a very painful gift -it takes courage to be able to continue to fight to empty our head so we can listen to our hearts. For me Dragon’s Tears is perseverance and devotion to this process.

Today I had asked myself that question when I was thinking about the Golden Lotus.
And suddenly the words a song I kept listening to over and over again during this week had popped out. This a song of Ehud Manor sung by Mati Caspi:

What is love? What is love?
What is it asking?
It is asking for my days and my nights, and nothing else
What is love? What is love?
What is it putting in my veins?
That I could continue feeling it with no condition
That I could continue feeling it with no condition
That I could continue feeling it with no condition
That I can continue feeling it ….. all my life

I wanted to share this with all and thank you all for helping me see the love in my veins during this week – my Green Lotus does not feel tilted anymore.

I can’t give you back all the love you have shared with me and I can’t thank you enough. The only way is to stay in my heart in love and wait for the universe to use me in the next moment.

With Love