Inner Transformation: Coming to Terms With Who You Are, Honestly

Lujan, Learning about the applications of the medicine wheel you have written about in Whisperings of the Dragon has caused me to see deeper into myself lately.

For the past six or seven years, I have been diligently working on regaining and improving my professional career, revitalizing my physical health, and deepening my commitment to breaking bad habits of interaction with others.

Lately, though, I have discovered a bit of the black widow within me. I am dating a man whom I like so much that it has interfered with my performance at work. I have gotten very sloppy in my professionalism. Even though it was a rather subconsciousness willingness to do so, I was willing to let everything fall apart that I’ve been building for years, like a black widow, as if I am the other person who can’t succeed.

I find I get sneaky and coercive, like the poison dragon, even if my intention is to protect my heart, instead of simply speaking to a person about the problem.

Even though I believe I have no expectation, when I get the feeling that I’m not receiving sincere concern from my partner, I find the white tiger trying to speak to me, telling me I should get angry and mean in order to correct the problem.

Is the reason you use the word medicine “wheel” because these medicines can roll from one to another?

Applying these teachings has left me deeply affected. I can no longer use the forces that used to drive me, but I’m at a bit of a loss as to how to motivate myself now. It’s as if I’m a young child again, only now learning how to communicate with the world.

Thank you for your insight into these medicines.
Gwendolyn

Yes the wheel is self-evident in terms of its rotation. One element overshadows and brings light to the other. The only reason that this wheel of wisdom is useful is that it gives a moment’s pause, as you have experienced, to one’s negative traits.

This is where the medicine is hidden.

Not only becoming kind to yourself you will find, through this act, wisdom arrives to speak on your behalf when these feelings dissipate within the full ramifications of applying the truth.

Usually when one is first leaving the detrimental cycle of the black widow, white tiger and poison dragon, they may use what seems to be the same emotional attributes belonging to them to speak their truth. But in actuality this is a seer within discovering the discord that has been put upon our very living circumstances through the perpetuation of denial that allows these traits to embed themselves through the fact that it seems that everybody practices them – and why should someone attempt to change who they are, or their living circumstances, because everybody else does it?

Gwendolyn, the energy that you find bottled up is your own self-knowledge; your own need not to have harm done to you nor to do harm to any other. For in actuality when we meet someone who is violent toward us the very structure of our quantum flux mirrors back what it receives. It is just that we have got attached to what we are mirroring back.

The observed and the observer change. It is just what we do when we are being observed, either by ourselves or another that brings us to a place of true mindfulness, which in actuality is empty of itself, being fully aware without thought. Being without agenda.

Being open to the full ramifications of the circumstances and acting accordingly from this emptiness is the warrior’s challenge.

When a hurricane appears upon the face of the earth it is only redistributing accumulated heat, so as to distill harmony once again. Bring upon yourself the winds of change and start to rebuild anew. In doing so, learn to appreciate what we cannot possess, yet be fully aware that the only thing we can acquire is nothing and true wisdom is hidden within this.