My first encounter with Lujan at his talk on the 6th of April made a deep impression on me. I felt very unsettled throughout the whole evening after the talk. I needed deep silence. I needed to go deep into myself and to connect with the most real and honest part of me. That night I had a dream. I saw Lujan unraveling my solar plexus. It felt good. Both in my dream and after I woke up I felt unburdened, at ease and warm.

Every day throughout the training week I had new experiences. Dragon Tears activated something in me and the energy of these movements was working its way through my being. One day my mind stopped and I felt totally disoriented. I felt like I knew nothing about anything, I had no opinions, no thoughts, no desires, no ideas. The only thing which was holding me together was my breath and whatever I was doing at that moment.

Nothing existed outside of having tea and sandwich, or cooking lunch or washing dishes. No mental noise, no mind games, no rushing from thing to thing, no plans, no desire to finish with one activity and move to another. Even though at that moment it felt quite disturbing, now when I am looking back I know that was one of the most significant and tremendous experiences of my life.

The next day I felt clear and very comfortable to be whoever I was and wherever I was, not trying to be better, or more spiritual, or more anything. My center was very still and big. I was enough and it was a very unusual feeling. It was such a relief.

But the most important thing happened in a very painful way. One night after I shared one of my experiences, Lujan confronted me. Or rather he confronted not me but my mind and ego bullshit behind the story – the desire for approval, the desire for making an impression, deep-seated narcissism, not being in the moment, and so on and so forth. My ego was not prepared to be confronted in such a tough, ruthless way. I felt like I was hit in my solar plexus and was overwhelmed by fear and anger and shame. By not being soft with me and by not entertaining my “needs” Lujan gave me what I really needed. My ego needed to be confronted in a very rough way. Being confronted by a shaman and mystic is not the same as being confronted by an ordinary person. It transforms you. That night I couldn’t sleep until I went very deep inside my heart and looked brutally honestly at my motives and what often was driving me. I knew that from that night I would not be the same and the only way for me was to find my real self. Which was quite a revelation for me because I never thought I needed it, I had quite a strong opinion about who I was.

I was practicing Dragon Tears every day and began to meditate. I was practicing what Lujan was teaching – to empty myself. I managed to find this state when there was nothing but my body, my breath and my heart. I began to spend more and more time deep in my heart and saw vividly where in my life and in doing things I love I was driven by fear. I saw that I needed to change it.

Dragon Tears began to unravel things in me. I had to reexamine my life and see what really makes me happy, what sustains me, what skills do I have which help me to express myself creatively and to bring value to people’s lives. I saw that I was blocking myself in many ways and now felt that space opened up in me to explore and express my potential. I decided to learn new skills – to paint and to draw and to study fashion design.

These are completely new skills and I have to make baby steps to begin to master it. And here I had the biggest battle with my ego. I was bitten and bruised by it constantly telling me that I am a looser because I don’t have a career and that at the age of 38 people should already know what they do with their life, that I shouldn’t be making any “baby steps”, learning to draw tea pots but should dream and act big. During those couple of weeks of feeling completely blocked and destroyed by the nagging voice in my head Dragon Tears, meditation and dance were the only things that were keeping me sane. Dragon Tears were giving me an amazing clarity and peace of mind.

I had a very clear realization that at any point in my life, at any little thing I do I am exactly where I need to be at this moment and don’t want to be anywhere else. There is no goal, nowhere to go, nothing to improve, and that “future” is happening right now. I am amazed at how much energy, talent and beauty is being released when I am in such state of mind. I meet my real self when I am empty. How much of myself was twisted and blocked by raging and demanding ego. And how often my mind was making a fool of me with all its illusions, expectations and projections…

Dragon Tears give me more energy. Now I don’t need to take afternoon naps and I can dance for much-much longer without feeling tired or out of breath. Also I take hormonal tablets for my fertility treatment and the months when I take it I suffer from severe and uncontrollable mood swings. This month I had to take a double doze and was worried that it would make me psychotic. But surprisingly I felt no negative effect at all. I feel at peace, clear, well-balanced, open and blissful and attribute it to practicing Dragon Tears.

There is better flow of energy between me and other people. When I interact with people I empty myself of fear or projections, give myself to the moment. I just flow and see that amazing things come through me. I can give much more than I thought I could and I do it with ease and exuberance.

The challenge now is to practice this discipline every day, to clear my mind through meditation and help my energy to circulate freely through Dragon Tears, to stay empty, open, honest and fearless in every situation of the day and to let beauty flow through me. And to always keep it real.

Thank you, Kirst, for giving me an opportunity to meet this incredible man!

Cape Town, South Africa