This application for the 2019 Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Anna. This year the recipient will receive either attendance at the Gravity Series Workshop or participation in the Online Spiritual Guidance program. If you would like to offer your support for Anna please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

I learned to let go of trying to please people around me, even myself. Let go of trying to be like this or that and just be open and let things flow. It wasn’t how I expected it to be. Saying that the social self will dissolve and communicating with others will become harder is actually a relief. Not the typical social person. All this from Whisperings of the Dragon.

I read it and reread passages from it. Funny how if I force read it – for example when not in the mood or want something out of it – nothing comes in. It’s like I’m reading blank pages. I learned that it’s ok if I don’t verbalize everything I have going on in my being. It’s still valid, and there is so much more if I don’t try to hang to that first impression that I get.

It’s ok if people don’t understand me and it’s not my job to make them understand. Their life is theirs and mine is mine, we don’t need to get each other. Better yet, their path is theirs and mine is mine. When this letting go comes together, there is such an ease in living. Everything just flows. Learned not to force things, letting everything take its course, has a few hiccups to be smoothed over.

So many things fell into place while reading the book.

I was looking for a path that is mine, and which is closer to what/who I am than what I’ve been practicing so far. Not with the most perseverance, but still practicing. Searching for something that hits that spot, when you have the feeling, this is it.

Maybe I am it, and just don’t know it. Wouldn’t that be funny? I’m looking for something that will center me, draw me closer to myself.

I hope to master anything that I have to learn. I hope I find myself, my passion. Whenever I ask myself the question what do I want, it always circles back to, I want to be me. Just me. Plain and simple me. Get all this extra off.

This is a process, I don’t expect to get rid of this many years of conditioning in a split second (don’t rule it out) and trying to keep that in mind, whenever my internal dialog creeps its head up. One step at a time, just keep going, no matter the winds around me.

The reason I apply for this scholarship is because I live a gazillion miles away, over the seas and far away. It would greatly aid me in meeting Lujan face to face and not just through his books and youtube broadcasts.

I want to undertake a million things, the end result is same for each: get the shackles off, be me. Can’t really see beyond this. It’s probably not this me who is going to manifest here beyond that and I can’t comprehend it with who I am now, or how I am now. It’s an interesting feeling, not sensing anything of how it might be beyond the door.


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