This application for the 2019 Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by David. This year the recipient will receive either attendance at the Gravity Series Workshop or participation in the Online Spiritual Guidance program. If you would like to offer your support for David please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

Our hearts beat and fall silent, speaking within quietness. I’ve lately been more self-accepting and recognizing my coping mechanisms, stalking the several ghosts disturbed in me, and sometimes I catch myself craving, avoiding or even ignoring loved ones, feeling shame or victimized in some way, to then stop and breathe, and realize that’s not essential, it’s rather a response installed through habit and repetition. Or is it?

Listening to Lujan, daily at times during the last four months I’ve had contact with his work, as other books about an “earlier” Matus have before that as well as a crude observation of experience, is providing concrete tools and ways to gain cohesion upon my consciousness, identifying energy leaks or at least intuiting them gradually more true. A sense of personal power and inner reference is emerging from the shift in perception from a reactive sense of freedom overstressed in the defense for independence and non-involvement with the social conditioning to a relationship-based and heart-felt path, arrhythmic and surprising in the daily, seemingly ordinary life and dreamscape.

I’ve lived improvising and open to unexpectedness through a substantial part of my path as a traveler, street performer, dad and lover, mostly following an inner pull for difference and a sense of emergency and freedom from social roles and rules, feeling kind of an outsider in the way most people relate, as Lujan pins down on some of his books, through gossip, even towards my closest relationships. In this sense, one installed coping mechanism that has often popped out is utterly ignoring people including myself I’d say.

I was shaken to notice how an unresolved and swept-under-the-rug issue from childhood had taken me to utter self-destructive indulgence in lust and addiction through blockages and limiting thought patterns and beliefs. I’ve felt the stagnation of being immersed in unbearable pressure, abuse and domestic hostility in subtle and brutal ways and I am grateful for how feeling at the edge and distressed is dissolving into peace and quietude. An unbending will for constructive sexuality and creative expressiveness is awakening in my heart thanks to listening and meditating your teachings, Lujan.

A sense of energetic efficiency and efficacy is emerging in me: often through my life I’ve felt like water ripples bending day and night into intensity and depth, at times like a charged storm and at times like a motionless pond. Thanks, for I now understand more deeply from a self-sustaining heart-core, and ride the motion of several parallel lines resolving themselves simultaneously and paradoxically at their own pace and time and consequence. Traversing gates inwardly, riding this body through the dreamscape of life and love, letting go of feeling and experiences, and feeling grateful, powerful and pushed to transcend and overcome conditioning.

I’d be really grateful for the opportunity of tuition with Lujan to learn from such powerful teachings and further spread, share and apply these tools to influence other peoples through example, acceptance and ultimately selfless colossal heart contributions and pulsations. Every day I’m more amazed and surprised by the arts of stalking and dreaming and I am grateful already for writing and sharing this sub-text of actuality with you guys and community.

Love and beat.

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