This application for the 2017 Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Ben.  If you would like to offer your support for Ben please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

My connection with Lujan Matus and his teachings is something deeply personal. All throughout my life there has been a sort of abyss inside me that calls me deeper and deeper to be dissolved in silence and selflessness. Lujan’s wisdom has given me the keys to follow this internal process as truthfully as I am able to throughout the twists and turns of my path.

Facing this mysterious abyss ever more clearly, the confusion and fear that seems to surround this world and our human condition can become a maddening obstacle. The strength to see through this illusion is something that is continually being redefined and has been awakened in me through Lujan’s teachings and wisdom.

There was a time in the past during a phone conversation when Lujan very directly assisted me to remove a major obstacle to the true expression of my heart. I honestly believe that without this powerful intervention the blockage could never have been resolved and the doorway to truth never opened. The gratitude for this gesture of power is so deep in my heart that Lujan appears mythical in stature to me.

I recognize this mythical dimension of our human existence as something deeply sacred. Since there is nothing I can really do to uplift Lujan’s cause directly, my commitment is to living that truth and purpose from within myself as deeply as possible.

During the time I spent with Lujan learning Dragon’s Tears, there was one moment which frightened me on a certain level. We were absorbed in a profound state of emptiness and pineal DMT activation which saturated the room. It allowing me to float suspended completely removed from myself and everything I knew as real, yet I was more complete within myself than ever before. It was a space of total comfort and surrender which opened the mystery of the infinite directly to my perception in a way I could never have imagined.

Lujan said “If you were to remain permanently in this state, you would see the most amazing things.” What shocked me was the casual simplicity in the way it was said, while my body knew instinctively that Lujan was completely serious about this possibility.

The fear that once surrounded this potential is no longer there to be found within me as my own inner reservoir of emptiness and silence has grown closer at hand over the years. I still have to work hard every day to return myself to alignment with that silent center every time I stray. The ability to dissolve into that inner portal of subtle communion with infinity has only grown simpler and stronger with time and practice, yet the challenges have grown stronger as well.

The experience of training with Lujan impacted my life so deeply that everything changed for me from then on. The changes have at times been difficult and very confronting. Though they have taken a toll on me in some ways, ultimately it has been a humbling and empowering experience. This transformational process is still ongoing now after years of practice.

The depths of completion and love I experienced in Lujan’s presence were so potent that seven years of progressive integration is still only the beginning of the journey toward actualizing the potential which was manifest. And I must acknowledge that this process is ultimately a life long journey.

I have been engaged in a way that has not allowed for the possibility of overseas travel until now, which brings my attention back to the intent to train with Lujan again. Thank you Lujan for everything and thanks for this opportunity to reflect on the journey so far…


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