Emptiness, Vastness and Power

Testimonial – Dragon’s Tears Workshop in the Tibetan Dzogchen Center, Tenerife, Canary Islands

Dear Lujan,

It’s now a week since the last day of Dragon’s Tears. My experience of the workshop was multi-layered. There was a lot of synchronicity to my being there, including being able to stay with a friend of mine who lived only five minutes from the venue. Another delightful coincidence was meeting Ana and to find that we had been practically neighbors for the last three years.

During the workshop there were moments of deep peace, power and silence, as well as exhilaration and laughter. Much of the time my thoughts were running busily alongside and my emotions, insecurities and curiosities were having their way. This was finally brought up and resolved through a paradoxical interaction with you during which I had many realizations very pertinent to my life and my relationships.

The realizations were also multi-layered and too complex to go into detail here. I know that this will deepen over time and probably distill to something profound yet simple that you often speak about, something like “everything that doesn’t arise from silence is really not worth saying”.So with that paradox in mind I do want to share a bit of my experience during and since the workshop.

I had come wondering and hoping that I would feel the magnetism in my hands, and therefore the connection to the subtle world. This was one of the reasons I came to the workshop, to regain something that I feared I had lost over the last 15 years. One other reason was to meet you in person and to “check you out”.

I had a funny experience right away as I believed someone, who was at the door, was you and I couldn’t for the life of me bring my previous experience on skype in alignment with who was at that door. So for the first 1/2 hour before you arrived I was in absolute turmoil, and I was actually wondering whether I could stay for the workshop! What a relief when you finally arrived, and were the person who I had been encountering so far only by voice. This was meaningful to me as it consolidated my trust in my own receptivity and “seeing”, which was seriously shaken for that 1/2 hour.

As for the magnetism, straight away on the first day it was all there, and as you shared your magnetism with all of us my experience of it got stronger each day. What has been happening since is that not only can I connect with it instantly I start doing the movements, but also I actually am doing the practice!

I have in the past found it very difficult to stay with any kind of practice, so it is a wonderful surprise to me how much my body wants to do this before the day ends. I don’t seem to be able to go to bed unless I do it, no matter how late.

Also even when I just think of the practice my hands begin to slightly tingle or throb, and on that note, sometimes the magnetism when I do the movements is almost painful.
I have wondered whether that might be something you would comment on? I also seem to be having trouble sleeping deeply and I am wondering whether I am doing the practice too late in the evening? (Around 11.30)

While in the workshop it seemed at times effortless, even though I knew I wasn’t quite recalling all the exact detail of the sequence. But there was a beauty and a poetry to the movements that felt so satisfying and at times heart achingly tender that I almost didn’t care whether I got it all.

I haven’t got it all, but am going through the movements now with the help of the manual very carefully. I feel my body knows them but my brain struggles to recall the sequence.
Apropos the brain and hemispheres, right at the end of the workshop I had a very intense and pleasurable sensation of my hemispheres joining up and with it came a feeling a sweetness and happiness. I then recalled that you had mentioned on the blog that this was one of the functions of Lo Ban Pai and I felt delighted that it was actually happening.

Sweetness and happiness is also what I experienced after going through a very familiar pattern of feeling misunderstood, and isolated at one point. The love and genuine, heartfelt affection that arrived from members of the group in response to my struggle has become a quiet and tender memory that I can access and when I do, I feel nourished.

Overall I found the experience of meeting and learning from you and the sharing with everyone everything that I had hoped it would be. Not a minute of boredom, only true connection, magic and delightful intensity as well as growth full challenge, with kindness and power.

The experience has returned my faith in the path of mystery and adventure, which is what I wished for and almost not dared hope for. My internal conversations are still going on, but there is something stronger that at times simply enables me to shut this noise off. Immediately its then replaced by a feeling of expansion and a quiet strength. This is short lived for now but underneath there is a growing sense of that strength.

This is already noticeable in my dealing with external situations, it’s as if I have a subtle vest around me, which gives me a little bit more time and space in interactions with others. This way I can reach deeper into myself before responding, and feel less at the mercy of what’s happening outside of me. And I had a fascinating experience this week. I went with my daughter and grandson to a wildlife park which has many big cats.

As we were marveling at one of the tigers who was fairly close to us relaxing on a platform, I felt drawn to stroke this animal behind its ears, as I would do with my own cat. I actually felt it’s fur and power. At that moment the tiger turned and looked at me and we locked eyes for quite while and as we did I recalled your eyes when you were challenging me during the workshop. I realized at that moment that I had been recalling your eyes from that moment many times since the end of the workshop, somehow being intrigued by something that I “saw” but had no words for.

Looking into that powerful animal’s eyes I realized that this was what I saw in your eyes. Emptiness, vastness and power, and stillness, except that in your eyes I also saw a kindness. I realize this is a reflection of what I don’t yet own in myself, yet something of that arrived during the experience with that captured tiger.

Thank you so very much, Lujan, and gratitude also to all the other participants for being there.

Angelika

Beautiful testimonial Angelika. It would be beneficial to do your Dragon’s Tears a little earlier in the evening. The best time for Dragon’s Tears is between 7 and 10 pm – and leave yourself an hour from 10 to 11 to relax and do your regular evening routine.

Even if you sit down to meditate and use the practice that I taught in the workshop, it will have the tendency to keep you awake, so it is best to do this meditation in the morning upon awakening.

As far as your hands are concerned, it is normal to feel a little bit of pain when the bioelectrical energy is re-establishing itself vascularly. When the hands haven’t been activated for a while it is natural to feel pressure. Don’t be too concerned about it. It will pass. In actuality it is a very good sign.

Endeavor not to have discussions with yourself inside your mind. Wait for your heart to dictate insight within its silent reservoir of realization. Even then don’t think about it.

Usually these realizations are applied to your present circumstances as acts of kindness and wisdom. The mind is scripted, where the heart is spontaneous and upon its spontaneity will speak truth gently, even though it may be direct. When you come to Cambodia I will elaborate more on this.

Lots of love

Lujan.

PS. Who was it on the doorway that you thought was me?