My Social Mask

Testimonial

I recently visited Lujan in Bali to learn Dragon’s Tears. I had never learnt any kind of martial arts, bar one lesson in Tai Chi many years ago and some Judo lessons for a while as a young child, nor had I undertaken dance lessons since being a very small child, but after deciding to learn Dragon’s Tears I found that my body really was looking forward to it and I felt quite excited about learning these movements.

I was not sure how I would go though and I had some doubts or fears that I would be able to learn. As I met with Lujan, prior to commencing, he sensed my wavering, and my self doubt revealed itself in ways that have shown me how this ongoing detrimental focus toward myself has tended to permeate areas of my life and affect myself and others in a negative way by unconsciously drawing them into uncertainty as well.

Before I had even begun tuition layers of my behaviour were being revealed and I was having to face myself! After this meeting I felt very dislodged and petulant behaviours that I rarely see in myself came to the surface and I had a very physical sensation of these ‘behaviours’ moving over the surface of my body. It was very strange.

The first day of tuition arrived and I went to Lujan’s house. When I arrived we sat down and talked for a little while. Underneath my social mask (which Lujan is very good at seeing and dislodging) I can be a nervous person, but being with him I began quickly to sink into a state of deep happiness, and move beyond my superficial nervous behaviour.

I said that I was often better undertaking practical tasks and so we began ‘Dragon’s Tears’. From that moment on my body began to embrace these movements like I had done them somewhere before, they were new and at the same time familiar to me. They are beautiful and powerful and peaceful all at once.

The first night I went to Lujan’s again to learn gazing techniques and again in his presence I felt deeply at peace. As we gazed I sunk into a state of heightened awareness quickly and easily. My hands began to feel ‘charged’ with energy. The room vibrated with palpable energy and I felt still and quiet in a way that I had only felt when taking psychotropic substances.

That night I woke up in the early hours with the thought that my hands were keeping me awake, so filled with energy they were. It was the same sensation as I had had when waking up from a dream I had dreamt a little while before I went to Bali, where Lujan and I had been playing a strange game and I had felt that my heart was so filled with joy it would burst.

Sometimes while practicing ‘tears’ with Lujan I would see soft light radiating or flowing from his hands as he moved. It seemed perfectly normal at the time. I witnessed Lujan’s room and Lujan’s garden dance with colour and shadows and blue balls of light.

I watched him pull the chimes to and fro with just his energy. I felt something akin to coming home after a long wearying journey. I wanted to ask Lujan many things, but while in his presence I forgot to; I was so happy just to be. I felt I had returned to something I had been long before.

It felt like it had taken a lifetime, but I know I remember this place within myself and every day I look forward to darkness so I can see within it the hues of eternity.

To say these things somehow seems ‘trite’ but this experience was one of deep joy. I feel like I have just scratched the surface of a wondrous journey into life itself, stripped of the social construct that robs us of our energy and consumes the precious moments of our brief journey here.

Lujan said ‘ we are meant to be like this, beings filled with mystery and magic’. Being in his garden and practicing ‘Dragons Tears’ was exquisite. I felt overwhelmed at one point because I knew I would have to return to my ‘real’ life. But, I have brought something of this with me, and I will ever be thankful for this.

With love and gratitude

Gabrielle
Brisbane, Australia