This application for the 2019 Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Ilyan. This year the recipient will receive either attendance at the Gravity Series Workshop or participation in the Online Spiritual Guidance program. If you would like to offer your support for Ilyan please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

There were times when silence was cherished as much as water” (from The Art Of Stalking Parallel Perception). In Lujan’s books, there are methods to collect the precious silence again.

I look often at the horizon, to water, practice the small part of learned Lo Ban Pai movements, turn the direction of the ears and eyes (the first gate of dreaming awake), and every time I read again Lujan’s books’ excerpts or write essay like the present one, internally something expands and reorders. Space appears for some time and silence is much like internal space or emptiness.

The effect is slow but profound. I stopped thinking of the past as I used to do before. I do much more tasks simultaneously, stay calm under stress and hurry without emotional overheat. But my present circumstances are not sustaining me in my practice and this makes it hard sometimes to stay clear.

A long time passes in this way that makes me feel I sink, not able to swim or go to that direction of personal liberation. I live in society’s everyday construct together with everyone else enacting it with my power. The tiny change I hopefully do is internal detachment from this construct, so it does not vibrate with my life force, but passes instead through me like I were air. Yet my continuing acting within it remains.

There is will but unconscious and automatically repeating. Can we call this purpose?

When not lit by the light of consciousness, by clarity, is it not then will that is wrapped by shadows?

The shadow is for me to act without reaching the full clarity of the ramifications of our actions. It is not easy to stop to wait to be clear why to proceed further, because many things just repeat themselves by the force of concluded contracts – both in my personal and professional life. I have agreed to live with certain people and do a certain job and in fact, I do not know what to do otherwise.

In this way, I cannot stop fully to examine my acting, and I have only the rationale that I need food and shelter and to know others around me. For the first two, I know it is little that we need and I take care to make it nice, to eat healthy food and maintain my living quarters and my health. The enormity of my experience remains related to interacting with others in the pace of the eight-hour work days and the technological complexity of our present day. This takes a lot of thinking and time and exhaustion and few moments remain to be absorbed in silence.

As time passes my imprints and preoccupations raise often their heads and remind me I have not cleared myself fully. I go to the direction of that mystery that is the human energy field and soul and body interwoven together, as well as our common purpose on this planet. That interest is what pushes me to open myself again and again to Lujan’s words and truths. Their authenticity is craved by my molecules, as Naomi Jean had put it in her introduction. Participation in another seminar will expand my silence and heart to this direction.


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