So Much To Come Home To

This application for the 2017 Parallel Perception Scholarship was submitted by Vlada.  If you would like to offer your support for Vlada please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.

I met Lujan in 2010 when he came to teach Dragon’s Tears in South Africa. At that time the meeting brought huge unravelling for me and a lot of pain and fear that came with it. My journey towards heart and truth began. How often I felt dismembered. And Lujan’s books were my steady companions. His teachings, his voice always brought clarity, strength to stand against the darkness. They challenged and nurtured my whole existence.

Now, seven years later I am at the point when the old ways of being are suffocating the soul. There is a certain code inside that has been waiting for its activation and the time has come. Life, Heart and soul are calling into a new way of being, totally strange and unknown to the mind. And I often feel like a small child, who is just learning to walk, learning to relate to the world. The gateways of the heart once opened and clearly showed me that time doesn’t exist. Hurry, business was hurting it.

My 5-year-old son is my best teacher. One day spent with him in that timeless space is the dearest memory of this lifetime. Slow, spacious, nowhere to run to, nothing to do, just being together, just this moment. I can hold this state for a few days now. Then old energies, old habits take over for a while. Until the next realisation that things must change.

Also, more and more often I am able to stand still and watch what I call the “winds of violence” that I direct at myself. Comparing myself to others, abandoning, criticizing myself… I don’t know where those demolishing forces are coming from and Lujan’s books are a great support in explaining their nature and that they do not belong with us.

Sometimes I fall to the bottom of this wound of self-annihilation, then I realise that it is not only my own but a part of the collective, then I am able to detach from it and just observe it, and then I open to a deeper bliss of seeing my own vast, luminous nature. Until the next trigger and the next wound and the next breakthrough.

The teaching and practice of the first gate, of seeing what cannot be seen, when the eyes become a vehicle of communion and not scrutiny is my daily saving grace. I gaze at my brain while silently breathing and observing the sensations in my palms and I feel surges of purifying, cleansing energy. It cleanses pineal and pituitary glands and the central energy channel. I clearly feel that this practice helps to clear the negative self-diminishing thought forms and after I feel like I have a brand-new brain! Like a Scare Crow in Wizard of Oz.

I am fascinated with this slow, steady process of inner transformation. Old and new. It comes in waves. Until new energies are integrated organically. I sometimes dream about a very flexible surfboard and then I know that something is coming, and I have to ride it. Life has this incredible way of bringing us back home.

I have never been more ready to be in the presence of Lujan and to have the courage to look into every corner of my existence for what needs to be seen and transformed so that I become Love and could fully embody the calling of the Soul.

So much Love, Joy and Gratitude to you, dear Lujan!

Thank you to everyone for your time and attention.

With Love

Vlada
South Africa