Testimonial
I have been practicing Opening the Tao for the last couple of months. I immediately found the practice super-charged, but I was certainly not expecting to “electrocute” myself – my left hand, to be precise – as I did this morning. The source of the electrical current running thru my wrist and shooting up my thumb and index fingers seemed to be my own body and appeared very clearly (and kind of painfully) when my arms moved in the air like rotating swords. The ‘high voltage’ stayed within my hands for the rest of the practice and I felt as if it was charging all the other forms I did afterwards.
During previous morning practices, I had other interesting occurrences happening such as blue light contouring my hands or bright white light silhouetting the shadow my body cast on the floor as well as a strong magnetic feeling in my hands as if each was carrying a magnetic shield or disk. From the beginning of practicing Opening the Tao, my body has felt very comfortable and has integrated each movement with great (to me, surprising) ease. And yet, this is the form that has ‘escaped’ me the most by remaining elusive, somehow enigmatic, to me.
How can it be so easy? Am I missing something? I could feel there was resistance somewhere but it was not obvious; what felt like an ‘unspecified’ aspect of the practice was bothering me with a vague uneasiness. So all I could do was to wait for it to unfold without expecting it to be anything in particular. And it did reveal itself.
Every morning for the last two years, I have been practicing Awakening of the Energy Body followed by Walking the Tao and then, either the Dragon’s Tears or the Golden Lotus. The whole practice has kept (and keeps) giving me preciousness everyday, and I had become ‘used’ to do it in a specific way and order. This was to the point that as soon as I had finished practicing, I would have this feeling of not knowing whether I actually did it or not… simultaneously I knew I had just sweated out for over an hour but I was also not sure about whether the practice actually had happened as I could not really remember. I loved the feeling of experiencing like that!
I was unconcerned by it until I was faced with the change of routine demanded by the addition of Opening the Tao to my practice. Change or better, my internal resistance to change, was the unspecified feeling of uneasiness. Why? Because change highlighted the fact that I am not in control of my life and I am actually not easy at all about that. But how awesome and remarkable that I had no clue that only by practicing for two years as I did would deliver me to this point where a most precious gift, which had been waiting there all along, was now ready to be received.
Ironically, of course, the gift was change. The gift was the realization that the very thing I was feeling uneasy about was the gift I was waiting for but didn’t know. And that even my resistance to change was actually required for my maturing in order to become the me that is ready to accept the gift. Interestingly, change allows for my life to be simultaneously stable and unstable, in control and out of control all at once… and whichever way, always magical! And just like this whole process, the integration of this realization itself is a work-in-process…and it is amazing that by watching how my practice is taking shape, I can literally see where I am at.
Let me clarify… As I started practicing Opening the Tao, my morning practice comprised of Opening the Tao followed by either the Dragon’s Tears or the Golden Lotus. I was ‘uneasy’ and ‘resisting’ practicing Awakening of the Energy Body and Walking the Tao, and I was ‘uneasy’ and ‘resisting’ not practicing. The moment I surrendered to the fact that this was how my practice looked like at the moment and there was nothing to fix and hence allowed the space for my resistance to dissolve, I felt joyful at re-including Awakening of the Energy Body back in the morning practice!
I then realize I missed the nurture and support those movements and those feelings deliver to me. And I simply wanted to practice Awakening of the Energy Body. So by watching how my practice re-formed, I can (as mentioned before) see where I am at – showing me where my uneasiness towards the circumstances that present themselves to me truly is. And as I write this, it just occurred to me that I am kind of ‘excited’ by the fact that I am yet to re-include Walking the Tao to my morning practice… Like a flawless ‘incongruency’, a perfect ‘glitch’ that allows for the bigger field to be perceived at all, my practice mirrors me letting me see ‘me’ and how I participate into the unfolding of deeper aspects of who I am. Amazing…
It has taken me a while to be able to write about this practice. I can truly appreciate now how perfect the name “Opening the Tao” is for this set of movements. It does open something bigger, a void that is so far and yet so close home! Deceptively easy at the physical level and subtly profound at the emotional one, this practice is strong in that it does not let me hide behind any untruth about myself…but its strength is surrender with gentleness and true care. And its gift is joy, a deep kind of joy that only the heart knows. Oh Lujan, thank you so much for teaching me (once again) how to see me. It feels good!
Deep gratitude.
Monnie
You are welcome Monnie.